Milo Monday 05

Another Monday, another bit of horrible advice from Milo, everyone's favorite thief. I wasn't really sure what to ask him about, but then I realized that I have to go shopping for work clothes today and I thought I'd ask Milo about fashion and trends, it should prove interesting.

This week's advice is on how to keep up with the latest fashions;

"Bollocks tae that! You want tae keep up with fashion, you need tae keep tae tha big cities. That's tha place to keep in style. I, on tha other hand, keep my own fashion. Pick myself up a new suit in every town, I do. I make fashion, I don't follow it. Have you seen my bowler hat collection? Best one in tha kingdom."


Why do I ask him these things? He almost didn't answer at all. I swear I'm not crazy. 

Milo Monday 04

In light of my new job - yes, I totally got a job - today's Milo Monday is about employment in [kingdom]. How long have I been saying I'm going to name the kingdom and still haven't? Gosh, I don't know. Moving on. So, yes, I have a job now. I start next week. You can expect posts to be a little strange for a few weeks. They might be a little bit weird. They might get posted super late at night. I'm not quite sure just yet. I will work until 5 or 5:30, so you can expect them sometime after that. Hopefully it all goes well.

This weeks advice is how to maintain a living;

"You aren't really askin' tha right man for this one. I ain't really tha 'workin'' type, ya know. Look, if ya want tae make an honest livin' you need tae know what the world has tae offer ya. Here? It ain't much. If you want tae have some money, ya need to have your own business. Ya need tae know how to work the customers. Either that, or ya learn a trade, even if most o' 'em don't pay much, unless ya do what I do. You could always be royalty. They got plenty o' dough."


Uhh, I'm pretty sure half the advice Milo gives us would get you arrested. Maybe I should stop asking him.

LL&P

Milo Monday 03

Since Mondays make me want to go out and drink and then get in a bar fight* then I figured I could ask Milo about his escapades in bar fighting, or rather, avoiding bar fights.

*totally does not like to drink and get in bar fights.

How to avoid getting in a bar fight;

"I'm not entirely sure why ya'd want tae avoid a bar fight. They're a hell of a lotta fun. Look, if you are lookin' to avoid a bar fight, don't go intae bars. That's where your first mistake is, eh? Alright, but if ya insist on goin' tae bars, ya need to watch out for tha rowdy patrons. They are usually tha ones yellin' an' startin' up pretty early in tha day. Now, what I do in order tae avoid bein' hit an' still gettin' tae see a fight is I start the fight between tha two of them an' then sit back an' watch. It's easy, honestly. Ya just whisper that tha other bloke's been talkin' dirt about the poor gent an' step out o' tha way. Then, ya quietly slip out tha back door (grabbin' yourself a complimentary bottle o' rum on tha way out). It's a good time for everyone, don't ya think?"


Yep, this is why I keep him around. Hope this is a little bit of fun for your otherwise unwanted Monday.

LL&P

Milo Monday 02

Today was full of busy, so this is coming to you at almost too late. But have no fear, I am here to keep you from freaking out that I didn't post (because we all know that is exactly what you were doing). At any rate, it gave me a good idea for a question to ask Milo.

This weeks advice is on how to be punctual:

"Honestly, there's a few ways tae be punctual. There's tha proper way and then there's my way. If ya'd like tae make sure your acquaintances are happy with ya, then you set yourself up to be where you say your gonna be. It's all about scheduling, ya see? Ya gotta be sure tae let people know when they are goin' tae see you and then you make sure ya got the time tae get where ya need to go. Of course, then there's how I do it; I just stopped tellin' people when they can expect me. If there's no time set, I can't be late."


Always the charmer. Tomorrow, I will rant about Percy Jackson and the Olympians (and how I now have to read all of the books because, oh my god, mythology like whoa).

LL&P

Milo Monday 01

I've decided that Milo needs his own day of the week. Well, maybe it was him who decided, but it doesn't matter because he's been running rampant in my mind and taking over, so I think I need to let him come out to play once a week at least. So, every monday, Milo is going to give you a piece of advice on how to survive in [Kingdom] when you are out on your own, kind of like Julian will be.

This week's advice is on how to make a good first impression;

"Ya know I can introduce my own topic, eh? Aye, don't matter, you aren't tha one livin' here. If you are new tae tha area an' ya need tae find yourself some allies, I suggest ya make a good first impression. Tha people around here are suspicious o' everyone. It's what ya get for livin' in a place where shapeshifters roam among tha general population. They don't much like new travelers, so your best bet is tae keep movin' until you find a city where ya can remain anonymous. Hey, I said I'd give you advice, I didn't say you'd like it."


Well, I didn't promise it would be good advice. And in case you are wondering, no I'm not crazy, but yes, I do have characters running around in my head at all times. They do occasionally talk to me. I don't talk back.